Wardrobe malfunctions: a central part of my life, seemingly

One of my friends and I have this ongoing joke that our lives consist of one long string of wardrobe malfunctions. Unfortunately, it is reality rather than a joke. As much as I love fashion, it seems like fashion hates me. I have had umpteen wardrobe malfunctions, but there really are so many that I can’t share them all with you. So I’ve decided to discuss some of my most common sartorial issues. I wonder if anybody can sympathise with me on any of these?

I hate it…

…When my tights get dog hair on them

I live in England. I have to wear tights almost all year round. I generally go for black opaques (mostly because I have a complex about my fat legs- we all know that black is a slimming colour). They look nice. They make me look thin. They make me happy. I wear a pair as soon as I bring them home from the shops. I come home. I stroke the dog. The dog doesn’t even touch my legs. I somehow get dog hair on my tights. The tights are washed. There is still dog hair on my tights… and more often than not the tights have gone all bobbly too. So I have to buy new tights. Because I have to buy about three new pairs of tights every weekend- and literally wear them once before they succumb to the dog hair- I can’t afford to buy tights for £12. So I buy them from Primark, for £2 a pair. I wonder if I bought pricier, better quality tights then they would last longer? But the dog hair would still stick to them, of course. I long for the days when I can treat myself to black tights from Falke… but I’ll have to wait until I no longer reside alongside a dog.

 

…When I get a ladder in my tights

This is, 99% of the time, my own fault. Although not a complete klutz, I am by no means a most graceful, ladylike person. Don’t judge me (I am quite normal), but whilst wearing tights I have climbed trees, walked the dog, crawled on the floor- amongst other things- consequently laddering the tights. Also, as I have already said, I don’t exactly break the bank when it comes to everyday hosiery (I splash out on £12 House of Holland for Pretty Polly tights when Henry whacks out a new collection), so I’m not really doing myself any favours. Don’t get me wrong: I am a fan of the dishevelled, rebellious, holes-in-tights/jeans look, but I’m generally not a fan of surprises, so walking down the corridor in college and I look down to find a great ladder in my tights, I am not best pleased.
Tip for those of you who find small ladders in their tights but still want to wear them: Apply clear nail varnish to stop the ladder from increasing in size. It works. Take the tights off and apply the nail polish then, and then let it dry. I’ve stupidly kept my tights on and applied the nail varnish and, of course, it just sticks to one’s legs and it’s not particularly comfortable…

…When I roll my jeans up- to proudly reveal my skinny, lightly tanned ankles- and they gradually roll back down as I walk, looking pretty stupid

This is a pain. I don’t know if it’s supposed to happen. Does this happen to anybody else apart from me? It seems that it doesn’t as plenty of my friends (and, indeed, people I see all over the place) have perfected the art of rolling up their trousers. I love the allure of a bare ankle. I want to reveal my own ankles, but unfortunately my trousers keep rolling back to their original state. I’ve tried sewing a couple of stitches as soon as I’ve rolled up my jeans, but it doesn’t seem to work. Am I just being pedantic? Am I alone with this problem? Am I missing something (in all fairness, I’m almost always in skirts or dresses or shorts so I don’t really wear trousers that much)? Please let me know.

…When my bra strap decides to detach itself

I have some bras that have removable straps, which I completely understand are a useful feature. I have one bra though- a Wonderbra, no less- that has straps that are firmly attatched on the front, but then they can be detached at the back. I don’t understand why you would need to detach the back of your bra if you can’t detach the front. Anyway, when I first got the bra it was fine to wear. However, after having it for a couple of months, it is starting to really p**s me off to such a level that I no longer want to wear it in fear that it will embarrass me. Embarrass me, I hear you ask, how could it embarrass me? This is what happens: I’m at college, in a lesson. I’m wearing the bra. Suddenly things feel a bit… loose on, let’s say, my right shoulder. I realise that my bra strap has detached itself at the back; the little hook has slid out of where it should be and so now the bra strap has become one long string and, oh God, now it’s slipped off my shoulder and it’s down my side and if I move I’m sure it’s going to poke out of the bottom of my top. So now I have to excuse myself and shuffle to the ladies’ to re-attach the bra strap. That’s not how it should be, surely? Or is my lingerie knowledge lacking something?

…When “Dry Clean Only” is on the care label

One of my favourite tops is a Luella SS09 floral silk-cotton mix, short-sleeved button-up blouse. I want to wear it contastantly- especially when it’s warm outside. However, like most lovely garments, the blouse is only to be dry cleaned. The nearest dry cleaners is about half an hour away in the car. And I don’t have a car. Sometimes I’m tempted to throw it in the washing machine, but my love for the blouse always holds me back.

…When I’m convinced I have VPL

Enough said.

…When it’s windy and I’ve been smart enough to wear the floatiest skirt in my wardrobe

Sod’s law- that lovely old adage- is one of those things that sums up my life. Just like it’s Sod’s law that whenever it’s raining, I’ll wear something that will get ruined and/or become see-through when wet, it’s Sod’s law that whenever it’s windy, I’ll wear a skirt that is bound to blow up in the wind. Luckily, I often carry big bags or messenger bags that I can swivel around so they cover my bum, preventing the skirt from blowing up too much. But that still doesn’t stop me from being overly paranoid and almost always walking around clutching the sides of my skirt. I think it’s because I’ve had too many bad past experiences with inadvertent knicker-flashing, like when I was 15 and running to the school bus, which I was late for, on a windy day. I was stretching the uniform rules to their limit by wearing a gorgeous high-waisted, A-line skirt- complete with an underskirt for even more volume- which I loved. However, it was a windy day and as I was hurrying my skirt blew up and it stayed in that position. Being in such a flustered, rushed state, I didn’t realise my sartorial nightmare until I got on the bus to shouts of “nice knickers” and a stomach-churning look from 50+-year-old bus driver.

A belated LFW post

These were, in my opinion, the best of the best LFW shows. I still want to show you some Christopher Kane and Meadam Kirchoff, but for some reason WordPress won’t let me include pictures from those shows. I’m planning to do a LFW Top 10- in which Kane and Kirchoff shall be included- so stay tuned.

David Koma

Jonathan Saunders

Richard Nicholl

Mary Katrantzou

Vivienne Westwood Red Label

Peter Pilotto

Michael van de Ham

Erdem

Giles

Holly Fulton

Marios Schwab

LFW! LFW! LFW

It is at times like this when I wish that a) My parents hadn’t decided to leave London, and b) I didn’t have to go to college. London Fashion Week is here and I am not in London and, even if I were able to get to London I wouldn’t be able to go because I can’t skive college anymore. I’ve already jetted off to Paris and missed 4 days of college, putting me in prime position for abuse from all of the staff, who are kicking me while I’m down, as such, by giving me tons of homework and dirty looks when I pass them in the corridor. So I have to be good- at least for a while- meaning that I cannot miss any days of college and I cannot miss any deadlines. I have even, out of guilt, signed up for a plethora of extra-curricular activities so I can redeem my good girl status.So, despite the heartache that it causes me, I cannot catch the train à Londres to watch models sashaying down the catwalk. What is even more annoying is that one of my friends, who lives in Kensington, is going to soak up LFW goodness tomorrow with one of her friends and she has a spare ticket. She asked me if I wanted to go with her and I had to decline. Tomorrow she has a date with the likes of Giles, Christopher Kane and Erdem and I have at date with, well, a big fat Latin translation, a transcription and some irregular French verbs. You can probably guess that I’m not thrilled.

I have resorted to Style.com and various other online fashion sanctuaries to keep me up to date with all of the latest from London Fashion Week. Here are some of my favourite looks:

Charles Anastase

House of Holland

Unique

PPQ

Louise Gray

Sass & Bide

I will look at some of the shows above in more depth but I don’t have the time to do it right now. I’m really excited about seeing tomorrow’s shows- particularly from my beloved Christopher Kane and Erdem- so until then, adieu. Please stay tuned, though, as I also want to discuss Felder Felder, BodyAmr and Hannah Marshall, which were other favourites of mine!

What's in my bag?

I am a sad person. When I am bored (a regular occurrence) and feeling nosy (an equally regular occurrence), I turn to YouTube. Often, I turn to the Howto & Style section and peruse through the videos there. There are plenty of make-up queens on YouTube and although they are often vain teenagers who wear too much make-up they often take breaks from traditional make-up videos and do video “tags”. Basically, somebody “tags” somebody else on YouTube and whoever has been tagged feels obliged to create a video that they have been “tagged” to do. I’m not very good at explaining things, am I?! One popular video “tag” is the “What’s in my bag?” tag, in which people record videos of themselves emptying their bag and discussing the things that they pull out of it. I, being sad and nosy, enjoy watching these videos because it’s interesting to see what people carry around with them.I am too ugly and shy to show my face to the world and upload a “What’s in my bag?” video to YouTube so instead I have taken some photographs to show you all what I have been carrying around with me. I am aware that some of you couldn’t care less, but I’m sure that there are other people like me in this world who like being nosy… why else would those YouTube videos have so many hits?

If anybody else has/wants to make a post like this then please leave a comment with a link to the post.

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So, the bag is a red leather (yes, leather, surprisingly) cat bag, bought from a market in Paris. It’s surprisingly sturdy and spacious which is a good thing because I always carry more than I might possibly need!

Inside the bag…

Cath Kidston make-up bag containing:
Multiple floral hair accessories
A gorgeous vintage pocket mirror that my grandma gave to me ages ago.
Vaseline Rosy Lips lip balm, which smells nice and has a nice pink shade.
Boots’ Skin Clear spot-zapping gel (I don’t know the proper name). It’s not that effective. I have it just in case I need to use it in despair at some point. I own it because it was on the bargain/reduced shelf at the back of my local Boots store for only 59p a tube.
Nails Inc nail varnish in Victoria, because I have the habit of picking my nail polish off but then I regret it because it looks too scruffy (it’s OK for the nail polish to be picked if it isn’t dark) and I need to apply another coat to smarten myself up.
YSL Faux Cils Noir Radical
No7 Quick Cover Blemish Stick (concealer) in Extra Fair
One of the many black kohl pencils that I bought for 1 euro each whilst in Spain. A very good quality kohl pencil considering the price.
Vaseline hand cream, because my skin is often very dry and always very sensitive.

Also hidden inside my make-up bag are some tissues, a lighter and various “girl things”, but you don’t really need to see those!

Sure deodrant (doesn’t fit into the make-up bag)
Mason Pearson “Popular” brush
Cath Kidston wallet
Middlemarch by George Eliot- an excellent read.

My boyfriend’s watch
Medication
Marlboro Lights
Ray Ban wayfarers (in their case at the moment)
Rizla papers, which I use as blotting papers. If you follow my blog then you will already know about this!
A bell from a Lindt gold bunny
Tiny Emma Bridgewater tin that I keep earrings in

I bought Lula 10 today… three days before the eleventh issue comes out.

I had my first day of college today and it was lovely, despite the fact that my friends mocked me for taking two of the “easy” subjects (English language and textiles… yes, textiles). I do feel stupid compared to my peers by choosing two of my subjects to be less serious, but I suppose Latin is going to drain all life out of me and so I need a bit of light relief, hence the “easy” subjects (but, really, are any A levels easy?).

Anyway, my inadequateness aside, I finally got my hands on the tenth issue of Lula which is very pretty indeed. As always.

Issue 10 marks Lula’s 5th birthday and to celebrate they have created, er, 6 different covers. The idea here is that designers have re-invented the traditional Strawberry Shortcake characters, and these are the models that grace the covers of the magazine. Chanel Iman is Orange Blossom by Kenzo, Addison Gill is Blueberry Muffin by Cacharel, Kate Somers is Raspberry Tart by Sonia Rykiel, Liu Wen is Plum Puddin’ by Philosophy di Alberta Ferretti, Giedre Dukauskaite is Lime Chiffon (love that name) by Erdem, Kim Noorda is Strawberry Shortcake by Charles Anastase and Charlotte di Calypso is Lemon Meringue by Moschino Cheap & Chic. There is also an interview with Muriel Fahrion- the creator of the Strawberry Shortcake characters- which is one of many interviews in the magazine. That’s what I love about Lula: there is so much to look at and to read and it is all so compelling and beautiful that the magazine not only occupies me for an hour, but instead for many hours of many days as I always look back at my copies of Lula.

Which cover do you have? I got the Plum Puddin’ one, which I quite like, but I would have loved the Orange Blossom or Blueberry Muffin covers.

I really need to buy a subscription for Lula because there have been occassions where I missed an issue (I live in a very very remote area and therefore finding Lula is very very rare). For example, I missed the one issue I was so desperate to buy: the 8th issue, with Chanel Iman on the cover and Hannah Murray and a Luella interview inside. I have been desperate to get my hands on this issue but really do not want to part with £25 + on eBay for a year-old magazine that was originally about £6. However, I don’t think I have another option.